West Side Homeless Outreach, Inc.

VOICE FROM THE STREETS

WITH TEARS AND FEARS

When Becoming Homeless, I Lost Everything. Now I Want it Back.

By Sharon*

I'd never dreamed of being homeless, or as many in my predicament say, "houseless." I'm a nice Jewish girl and Los Angeles native. In my “former life,” I lived mostly in Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades and Venice.

Goodbye Ebay

My Ebay clothing business with 100 percent positive feedback was floundering. Ebay was continuously raising its sellers’ fees, and my sales were few. Then the economy tanked. Also, an unscrupulous mortgage company took advantage of my naiveté. I'd been paying down only the interest of my condo. I soon lost my home and filed for bankruptcy.

An Enabling Family

Some people have asked, "What about your family? Won’t they help?" My family isn't what most would think of when they conjure up images of a nice Jewish family. My father, an upper-middle- class Beverly Hills professional, has a drug and alcohol addiction. He never wanted children. Consequently, he emotionally abused us. My mother had no zip, no maternal know-how, and was abusive in her neglect and attitude toward us.

Set for Section 8

When I lost my home, a friend in Pasadena (Calif.) let my cat stay and me with him for a while. During this period, I acquainted myself with the ins and outs of social services, how to get food stamps, GR (General Relief,) and searched online for Section 8 and other low-cost housing.

Virtually no Section 8 housing is available in Los Angeles County. Most waiting lists are 10–12 years long, or they’re closed. I’m trying to receive help through other housing programs. Finding long-term housing is one of the most difficult aspects of being homeless. It was humbling. Now I sleep in a friend’s car.

Foolish Friends

I rarely visit or e-mail friends from my former life. Most housed friends don't know what I'm going through, so I spend most of my time with houseless friends. For example, if I mention to housed friends that I'm having a rough time financially (meaning that I don't know where my next meal will come from), they counter: "I totally understand. I'm so strapped that I won't be able to vacation abroad this year. I’ll have to vacation in the States."

Among the Walking Dead

I’ve told some homeless friends that I feel as if I'm among the walking dead. The longer I've been homeless, the more emotionally shutdown I've become. I have to hide from the police. If they find you sleeping in your car in Venice, your vehicle can be ticketed and towed. To avoid scowling looks at the grocery store, I’ve also had to hide using my EBT (Electronic Benefits Transfer) card for food stamps. My World is shrinking, and I have a harder time looking directly into people's eyes.

To Be is to Have?

I long to feel like a normal person again, doing everyday things such as attending normal social functions. Sometimes a friend invites me to events, including outdoor concerts on the Santa Monica Pier. But when she asks me to actually go, I panic. My lowered self-esteem from being homeless is all encompassing, so I can't imagine being around people and engaging in social banter. When they ask, “What do you do?" or "Where do you live?" what can I say?

Even as I write this, my sadness and embarrassment is so great that tears run down my cheeks. It’s difficult to hold down a job, rear a family, run a home and lead a “normal” life. But it’s even harder to be homeless.

*Sharon is a pseudonym.

The downturned economy has hit homeless people hard. Can you help us help them? Money is our greatest need. Your donated dollars buy food, clothing and other vital provisions, which we deliver to unsheltered homeless people who need them most. You can also contribute these items. All donations to West Side Homeless Outreach, an IRS-approved 501(c)(3) charity, are tax deductible. Please click on donate; or mail checks and money orders to West Side Homeless Outreach, Inc., PO Box 5761, Playa del Rey, CA 90296-5761.

When Life Hurts

Can You Pass This Month’s Quiz on Homelessness?

Many people are surprised to learn that the hardest part of homeless-ness isn’t always the lack of material goods—especially an apartment, condo or house.

Scores of homeless people say lack of possessions is only a small part of surviving on city streets. Most major battles are due to the lack of life’s intangibles. For example, most homeless people have great difficulty filling each day with meaningful activities. Housed individuals spend time working, participating in sports and fitness activities, going to school, spending hours on Facebook and maintaining their homes. But homeless people usually don’t have these luxuries.

The majority of homeless people also suffer from social isolation. Interpersonal networks and close friends are few. Any friends homeless individuals do have usually come from the ranks of other unsheltered people. If you’re homeless, you can forget about golf dates, business lunches, cocktail parties and other essentials of a healthy social network.

—Loren Franck

Of the 80,000 L.A. County homeless people, many are forced to live each night on cold, hard concrete.